क्‍या अपनी पत्‍नी को अपना सीक्रेट बताना चाहिये

  विवाह जैसा सुंदर रिश्ता प्रेम, निष्ठा, विश्वास, सम्मान एवं बातचीत नामक 5 मजबूत स्तंभों पर स्थित है। यदि इनमें से कोई भी एक स्तंभ कमज़ोर पड जाए तब यह पवित्र रिश्ता दम तोड देता है। लोग अपने रिश्तों को बचाने के लिए कई जतन करते हैं लेकिन फिर भी न जाने क्यों वे टूट जाते हैं। कई बार आपका अतीत आपके असफल विवाह का कारण बन सकता है। दो लोग एक दूसरे से केवल विश्वास के सहारे जुडते हैं। जब इस विश्वास पर धोख़े की नज़र पडती है तो मंज़िल की नीव कमज़ोर लगने लगती है। यदि आप अपने रहस्यों को छुपाकर अपने रिश्ते को बेहतर बनाने के बारे में सोच रहे हैं, तब शायह यह तरीका आपके काम ना आए। अतीत के प्रेम संबंधों से जुडी कोई महत्वपूर्ण बातों को, आपकी बुरी आदतों को या मौजूदा वित्तीय संकट को अपनी पत्नी से नहीं छुपा चाहिए। आखिर किस करण से पुरुष छोड़ देते हैं अपनी पार्टनर को कुछ मर्दों का मानना है कि कुछ रहस्यों को छुपाकर वे अपने घर की शांति को बरकरार रख सकते हैं। परंतु आपका रहस्य जब किसी परिचित व्यक्ति के द्वारा सामने आएगा तब आपकी पत्नी को पीडा होगी। किसी भी बात को बताने से पहले आपको अपनी पत्नी के मिज़ाज़ की भी समझ होनी चाहिए। क्योंकि हर कोई समझदारी व बुद्धिमानी से काम लेगा यह कहा नहीं जा सकता। इस मामले में नीचे दी गई बातें शायद आपकी कुछ मदद कर सकें। 1 बात की अहमियत को समझें हमारी ज़िंदगी में कई घटनाएं घटती हैं। उसमें से कुछ अच्छी होती हैं, कुछ बुरी। कुछ घटनाएं हम पर अपनी छाप छोड जाती हैं और कुछ बीती रात की तरह गुजर जाती हैं। अगर आपका माज़ी, मौजूदा ज़िंदगी में दखल नहीं दे रहा तो ऐसी बात अपनी पत्नी को बताना बेवकूफ़ी होगी। केवल उन बातों को बताएं जो आपको परेशान कर रहीं हों या आपके आज को मुसीबत में डाल सकती हों। 2 अपने अतीत के बारे में चिंता ना करें जब आप अपने जीवन में घटे वाकये के लिए खुद को या औरों को माफ़ नहीं कर पाते हैं तब यह एक चिंता का विषय बन जाता है। क्योंकि आप इस घटना के कारण अपने मन में क्रोध, नफ़रत एवं दोष की भावना को दबाकर बैठें हैं। आपको इस वाकय पर नहीं बल्कि इस वाकय से आपके जीवन में आई सकारात्मक तबदीली पर ध्यान देने की जरूरत है। इस तरह आपका नज़रीया बदलेगा और आपको यह बात बताने की गुंजाइश भी महसूस नहीं होगी। 3 जल्दबाज़ी ना करें अक्सर दबी हुई बातें हमें बेचैन करती हैं और इस बेचैनी में हम जल्दबाज़ी कर बैठते हैं। आपकी पत्नी के मन में आपकी एक अलग छवि बनी हुई है। आप जिस बात से उन्हें रूबरू कराने जा रहे हैं वह आपकी छवि को कुरूप बना सकती है। इसलिए मौके की नज़ाकत को देखकर बात छेडें। यह भी ध्यान रखें कि क्या वह आपकी बात को समझ पाएगी या नहीं। 4 उसे समय दें अब आप बात बता चुके हैं। अपने मन की कशमकश से बाहर निकाल चुके हैं और अपनी पत्नी को दुविधा में डाल चुके हैं। अतः अब प्रतिक्रिया देने की बारी उनकी है। इस दौरान कुछ नकारात्मक चीज़ें भी हो सकती हैं। परंतु आपको उन्हें समय देना होगा। यदि आपका रिश्ता प्रेम व समझ से जुडा हुआ है तब वह आपकी बात को जल्द समझ जाएगी। 5 बरदाश्त करने के लिए तैयार रहें आपके रहस्य के बारे में जानकर हो सकता है कि आपकी पत्नी भी अपने जीवन से जुडा कोई रहस्य आपको बताए। जिस तरह आपके रहस्य ने आपकी पत्नी को हैरान किया है उसी तरह आपकी पत्नी का रहस्य आपको परेशान कर सकता है। बात कितनी बडी होगी यह घटना पर निर्भर करता है। यदि आप इस रिश्ते को वफादारी से निभाने की इच्छा रखते हैं तो वो भी रख सकती है।

कैसे लायें सकारात्मक सोच

सकारात्मक सोच ऐसा कोई वरदान नहीं है जो सिर्फ उन गुरुओं के पास होता है जो जीने का तरीका सिखाते हैं। यह हर एक के द्वारा अपनाया जा सकता है। आजकल लोगों में निराशावादी विचारधारा का बीज आसानी से पनप जाने से सकारात्मक सोच एक आसरे की तरह काम करता है जिसका आप सहारा ले सकते हैं। यहाँ पर कुछ सुझाव दिए गए हैं जिसके फलस्वरूप आप सकारात्मक सोच वाले व्यक्ति बन सकते हैं। ऐसे लायें सकारात्मक सोच 1. अपने रवैये पर नियंत्रण रखें: कई बार आपका यह प्रण करना कि आप कुछ नकारात्मक नहीं सोचेंगे और अपने आस पास फैली नकारात्मकता पर विजयी होंगे, जिंदगी को देखने के आपके नज़रिए को एक नयी दिशा देता है। लोग हमेशा दूसरों को अपनी जिंदगी चलाने का मौका देकर सबसे बड़ी गलती करते हैं। आपको हर हालत में ऐसा करने से बचना चाहिए और अपने जीवन से जुड़े सारे महत्वपूर्ण फैसले खुद लेने चाहिए। 2. ध्यान करें: वैज्ञानिक मानते हैं कि ध्यान के वक़्त, जब दिमाग किसी विशेष विचार की ओर केन्द्रित रहता है तो उससे उर्जा बिखरती है। यह उर्जा इंसान के अन्दर मजबूती लाती है जिससे वह आम जीवन में कठिन परिस्थितियों का मुकाबला करने में सक्षम होता है। हर दिन कम से कम 10 मिनट तक ध्यान लगाने की कोशिश करें। किसी अँधेरे कमरे का चुनाव करें जहाँ बाधाएं न हों और आँखें बंद कर गहरी सांस लें। अपने दिमाग में से सारे विचार निकाल दें। शुरुआत में यह प्रक्रिया मुश्किल लगेगी पर अभ्यास से यह काफी आसान हो जाएगा। 3. सकारात्मक सोच वाले व्यक्तियों से मिलें: इस जगत में हर एक इंसान के पास किसी भी विषय को लेकर अपनी एक विचारधारा होती है। सकारात्मक विचारधारा वाले व्यक्तियों से मिलने से आपकी सोच और उद्देश्य भी सकारात्मक तरीके से आगे बढ़ेंगी, जबकि नकारात्मक सोच रखने वाले लोग आपकी जिंदगी से सकारात्मकता को निकाल देते हैं। ऐसे लोगों के साथ रहे जो आपको सकारात्मक वाईब्स देते हों। आपको अपने आप में परिवर्तन ज़रूर महसूस होगा। 4. अपने लक्ष्य पर टिके रहें: अपना लक्ष्य अपनी दिली अभिलाषा के अनुसार ही चुनें। उसपर हमेशा टिके रहे चाहे वह कितना ही मुश्किल क्यों न दिखे। उनपर विश्वास करना और उनको पाने के लिए मेहनत करना सीखें। दुनिया को आपको देने के लिए कई नए दृष्टीकोण हैं और इनको अगर आप खुले दिमाग और आशावादी सोच रखते हुए अपनाएंगे तो आपकी जिंदगी बदल जायेगी। कड़ी मेहनत करें और अपने लक्ष्य की तरफ हर दिन एक कदम आगे बढायें। एक बार आपने इसे पा लिया तो आप नए जोखिम उठाने की चुनौती ले पायेंगे। हर छोटे या बड़े लक्ष्य को पाने के बाद आपमें अपनी क्षमता को लेकर आत्मविश्वास आएगा। 5. अपनी मानसिक रचना में बदलाव लायें: किसी भी परिस्थिति में आपकी प्रतिक्रिया कैसी होती है यह आपकी सोचने की शक्ति में अंतर ला सकता है। किसी कठिन परिस्थिति में सकारात्मक प्रतिक्रिया देना उस परिस्थिति को आसान बना देता है और आप आसानी से उससे उबर पाते हैं, जबकि नकारात्मक विचारधारा से मुश्किल ज़रुरत से ज्यादा बड़ी दिखती है। आपके सोचने के तरीके में बदलाव से आप दुनिया को नए नज़रिए से देख पायेंगे और आप देख पायेंगे कि दुनिया कितनी सुन्दर है जिसकी आजतक आपने कल्पना भी नहीं की थी। 6. अपने स्वभाव पर सवाल उठाएं?: किसी भी बदलाव का प्रतिरोध करना इंसान की फितरत में शामिल होता है। पर जब आप अपने आप पर सवाल उठाएंगे कि आखिर इस प्रतिरोध का मकसद क्या है, आपको अपने आप मुश्किल इतनी बड़ी नहीं दिखेगी जितना आपने सोच रखा था। इसलिए अपने मकसद पर सवाल उठाना आपके रक्षात्मक स्वभाव को कम करेगा और आपको संभावनाओं को देखने की शक्ति देगा ताकि आपका अनुभव बढ़ सके। आपको यह ध्यान रखना चाहिए कि सकारात्मक सोच सकारात्मकता लाती है जबकि प्रतिकूल सोच रखने वाले नकारात्मकता को अपने पास बुलाते हैं। इसलिए सकारात्मक सोच कर आप अपने आप को नयी संभावनाओं के लिए खुला रख रहे हैं और अपनी जिंदगी जीने योग्य बना रहे हैं।

http://www.PaisaLive.com/register.asp?6418406-5902399

Secret Study Skills – The Power of Positive Thinking

“Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! …With sound self-confidence you can succeed.”
Norman Vincent Peale (1898 – 1993)

Why do students need to understand and use the skill of positive thinking? It’s because they set themselves up against challenge everyday. Students are constantly pushing beyond their current capabilities to learn more and take on more skills and knowledge. This requires a lot of courage and determination. Without enthusiasm, faith in abilities and optimism, most people would experience fear, discouragement or a sense of futility in the face of this kind of challenge.
A lack of positive thinking shows itself in students who ‘forget’ homework consistently, who neglect to hand homework in, who are not comfortable asking for help, or who ‘blank out’ in exams.

Learning and applying some core positive thinking strategies can have a huge impact on a student’s life in the classroom and beyond. In this article we’ll discuss two approaches to positive thinking.

Strategy #1: From the Outside In

Psychology people are always coming up with interesting experiments. In one of these experiments, psychologists asked people to read 100 comics. Then they asked people to rate how funny they thought the comics were. The people were split into three groups – one simply read and rated the comics, the second and third did the same but with a slight twist. The second group was asked to read the comics while holding a pen horizontally between their lips (so they couldn’t smile). The third group was asked to read the comics while holding a pen horizontally between their teeth (so they were forced to smile).

Here’s the interesting part: the people who were forced not to smile rated the comics as ‘less funny’ than the control group (the group without any pens in their mouths). The people who were forced to smile rated the comics as ‘funnier’ than the control group did.

What can we extrapolate from this experiment? Well, perhaps the main point related to our topic is that it’s possible to influence our emotions from our actions. How we respond to a situation (ex. by smiling or not smiling) changes how we feel about it. And if our feelings are positive, we’re more likely to take positive, confident action. If our feelings are negative, we’re more likely to feel defeated and to not take action, interpreting the situation as too uncomfortable or, worse, out of our control.

We tend to think that we are experiencing a situation directly, but this experiment shows that we experience situations through a filter of emotion and interpretation. (Otherwise everyone would have thought the comics were equally funny.) Have you ever noticed how two people may respond to the same situation differently? What filters do you use when you meet situations? Are you seeing things in a positive, optimistic light or are you pulling an Eeyore?

Could it be so easy that all we need to do is act in a positive way in order to transform how we see, feel and interpret situations (as in ‘fake it ‘til you make it’)? Apparently so. If you want to be happy – smile; if you want to be unhappy – don’t smile. So, if you want to be a competent student, then study, bring your work home and hand it in; if you want to be incompetent, then don’t study, don’t bring your work home, and don’t hand your homework in.

Strategy #2: From the Inside Out

While it is possible to influence how we feel by our actions, there is a more effective method. Here is an pattern I’d like you to consider: Beliefs create thoughts ... thoughts create emotions ... emotions create actions ... actions create consequences

What this equation tells us is that the consequences we experience (like high or low grades) are created mostly by our beliefs. Who is in control of what you believe? of what you think? of how you feel? of your actions? Of course it’s you. Your interpretation of a situation is completely within your control. So it follows, then, that if you are in control of your beliefs and thoughts, then you can also control your consequences.

What we believe about ourselves and the world determines our thoughts. For example, if you believe that you are good at math, then you will likely think that math assignments are do-able. If you think math assignments are do-able, you will likely feel confident and capable. Feeling this way, you will likely perform well on any given assignment, get it done and hand it in. If you do all of that, you’ll likely get a pretty good score.

If, on the other hand, you believe that you are terrible at math, then you will likely think that all math assignments are hard (even before you look at the one being handed to you). If you think that math assignments are too hard for you then you’ll likely feel defeated and distressed. Feeling this way, you will likely be in a state of high adrenaline. In this state of nervousness, it’s quite difficult to think clearly (since when our heart is beating too rapidly, our higher thinking is shut off in order to save our bodies from any impending life-threatening danger). If you’re not thinking well, you’ll likely not get a good score.

Change your thoughts and you change your world. If you think you can overcome an obstacle, chances are that you can.

Here’s another example:

Situation: You receive a low grade on an essay.

Negative thoughts: “I really stink.” (resulting emotion: sadness) “I’ve never been good at writing.” (hopelessness) “That teacher is such an unfair marker.” (anger) Where can you go with this experience if you are feeling sad, hopeless or angry? These types of thoughts and feelings will likely lead to complaining, avoidance and acting out in anger (against the teacher or some innocent bystander).

Positive thoughts: “I’m going to practice more to improve my essay writing.” (resulting emotion: determination) “Now that I see my mistakes, I know what I need to work on.” (hopefulness) “I’m good at learning new skills. This is a challenge for me to master.” (confidence) These thoughts and feelings are likely to lead to positive actions such as focused study, more proofreading on future essay assignments, or asking for assistance.

Positive thinking is taking control over how you choose to think about a situation. With control, you can influence the outcome. Choosing a more positive perspective, you can gain more power and confidence – and people respond to this. When we expect success, we become hopeful and confident. This comes across in our body language and the way we express ourselves in writing and in our speaking. If you behave confidently and accept challenges with positive determination, not only will teachers and parents begin to see you as capable, but you will see yourself as able to accomplish tasks that previously had felt out of reach. Your marks will improve, almost guaranteed.

You can choose your attitude. If you hear yourself thinking negative thoughts, you can simply choose to ‘cancel’ those thoughts out and rethink them in a more positive light. Encouraging yourself, you are more likely to enjoy the learning.

Parents and teachers can help by asking students how they are feeling about their schoolwork, listening for positive or negative beliefs. Unless a student is asking for correction or it is a teaching situation, students will gain the most benefit by being recognized for what they are doing well. If you hear a student speaking negatively about his or her efforts, you could ask that student to reframe what they are describing in a positive light, and then discuss actions that can be taken to bring a positive resolution to the situation.

Positive thinking is not just putting a positive spin on things without taking creative action. If there is a situation that needs remedying (like homework not being handed in), believe in your ability to come up with some creative solutions on your own or with someone else.

Positive thinking is you deciding to take control over how situations impact you. There is no set script for how you ought to react to any situation – you can make it up yourself – you can change your script part way through. You are the writer, director and actor of your story.

“We become what we think about.”
Earl Nightingale (1921-1989)

Warren Buffett’s “2 List” Strategy: How to Maximize Your Focus and Master Your Priorities

By James Clear    |    Decision Making, Productivity, Simplicity

With well over 50 billion dollars to his name, Warren Buffett is consistently ranked among the wealthiest people in the world. Out of all the investors in the 20th century, Buffett was the most successful.

Given his success, it stands to reason that Buffett has an excellent understanding of how to spend his time each day. From a monetary perspective, you could say that he manages his time better than anyone else.

And that’s why the story below, which was shared directly from Buffett’s employee to my good friend Scott Dinsmore, caught my attention.

Let’s talk about the simple 3-step productivity strategy that Warren Buffett uses to help his employees determine their priorities and actions.

The Story of Mike Flint

Mike Flint was Buffett’s personal airplane pilot for 10 years. (Flint has also flown four US Presidents, so I think we can safely say he is good at his job.) According to Flint, he was talking about his career priorities with Buffett when his boss asked the pilot to go through a 3-step exercise.

Here’s how it works…

STEP 1: Buffett started by asking Flint to write down his top 25 career goals. So, Flint took some time and wrote them down. (Note: you could also complete this exercise with goals for a shorter timeline. For example, write down the top 25 things you want to accomplish this week.)

STEP 2: Then, Buffett asked Flint to review his list and circle his top 5 goals. Again, Flint took some time, made his way through the list, and eventually decided on his 5 most important goals.

Note: If you’re following along at home, pause right now and do these first two steps before moving on to Step 3.

STEP 3: At this point, Flint had two lists. The 5 items he had circled were List A and the 20 items he had not circled were List B.

Flint confirmed that he would start working on his top 5 goals right away. And that’s when Buffett asked him about the second list, “And what about the ones you didn’t circle?”

Flint replied, “Well, the top 5 are my primary focus, but the other 20 come in a close second. They are still important so I’ll work on those intermittently as I see fit. They are not as urgent, but I still plan to give them a dedicated effort.”

To which Buffett replied, “No. You’ve got it wrong, Mike. Everything you didn’t circle just became your Avoid-At-All-Cost list. No matter what, these things get no attention from you until you’ve succeeded with your top 5.”

The Power of Elimination

I believe in minimalism and simplicity. I like getting rid of waste. I think thateliminating the inessential is one of the best ways to make life easier, make good habits more automatic, and make you grateful for what you do have.

That said, getting rid of wasteful items and decisions is relatively easy. It’s eliminating things you care about that is difficult. It is hard to prevent using your time on things that are easy to rationalize, but that have little payoff. The tasks that have the greatest likelihood of derailing your progress are the ones you care about, but that aren’t truly important.

Every behavior has a cost. Even neutral behaviors aren’t really neutral. They take up time, energy, and space that could be put toward better behaviors or more important tasks. We are often spinning in motion instead of taking action.

This is why Buffett’s strategy is particularly brilliant. Items 6 through 25 on your list are things you care about. They are important to you. It is very easy to justify spending your time on them. But when you compare them to your top 5 goals, these items are distractions. Spending time on secondary priorities is the reason you have 20 half-finished projects instead of 5 completed ones.

Eliminate ruthlessly. Force yourself to focus. Complete a task or kill it.

The most dangerous distractions are the ones you love, but that don’t love you back.

Thanks to my man Scott Dinsmore for sharing this story with me. His original post on Buffett’s strategy is here.

How to Get Better Sleep: The Beginner’s Guide to Overcoming Sleep Deprivation

By James Clear    |    Healthy Habits, Strength Training

On February 13, 1972, Michel Siffre climbed into a cave in southwest Texas. It would be six months before he saw daylight again.

Siffre was a French scientist and a pioneer in chronobiology, which is the study of biological rhythms. The most well-known of these biological rhythms is the circadian rhythm, which controls the human sleep-wake cycle, and Siffre was on a mission to learn how, exactly, it worked.

Siffre’s life in the cave was spartan at best. He lived in a tent that sat on a small wooden platform with a bed, a table, a chair, and a phone that he could use to call his research team above ground. His underground home was equipped with a single lightbulb, which provided a soft glow to the piles of frozen food and 800 gallons of water nearby. There were no clocks or calendars, no way for him to discover what time it was or whether it was day or night. And this was how he lived, alone, for six months.

Within a few days, Siffre’s biological clock began to take over. He would later recall his experiments by writing, “My sleep was perfect! My body chose by itself when to sleep and when to eat. That’s very important. We showed that my sleep-wake cycle was not twenty-four hours, like people have on the surface of the earth, but slightly longer—about twenty-four hours and thirty minutes.” [1] On several occasions, Siffre’s body transitioned to a 48-hour sleep-wake cycle where he would stay awake naturally for 36 hours and then sleep for 12 hours. [2]

Siffre’s work, along with the experiments of a handful of other researchers, helped kickstart a scientific interest in sleep that has resulted in sleep performance centers at major universities like Harvard and the University of Pennsylvania. Given that we spend almost 1/3 of our lives sleeping, it’s hard to believe the topic has only gained a large scientific following in recent years.

In this article, I’ll share the science of sleep and how it works, discuss why many people suffer from sleep deprivation without knowing it, and offer practical tips for getting better sleep and having more energy.

Let’s get started.

Lack of Sleep: How Much Sleep Do You Need?

How much sleep do you really need? To answer that question, let’s consider an experiment conducted by researchers at the University of Pennsylvania and Washington State University.

The researchers began the experiment by gathering 48 healthy men and women who had been averaging seven to eight hours of sleep per night. Then, they split these subjects into four groups. The first group drew the short straw. They had to stay up for 3 days straight without sleeping. The second group slept for 4 hours per night. The third group slept for 6 hours per night. And the fourth group slept for 8 hours per night. In these final three groups — 4, 6, and 8 hours of sleep — the subjects were held to these sleep patterns for two weeks straight. Throughout the experiment the subjects were tested on their physical and mental performance. [3]

Here’s what happened…

The subjects who were allowed a full 8 hours of sleep displayed no cognitive decreases, attention lapses, or motor skill declines during the 14-day study. Meanwhile, the groups who received 4 hours and 6 hours of sleep steadily declined with each passing day. The four-hour group performed worst, but the six-hour group didn’t fare much better. In particular, there were two notable findings.

First, sleep debt is a cumulative issue. In the words of the researchers, sleep debt “has a neurobiological cost which accumulates over time.” After one week, 25 percent of the six-hour group was falling asleep at random times throughout the day. After two weeks, the six-hour group had performance deficits that were the same as if they had stayed up for two days straight. Let me repeat that: if you get 6 hours of sleep per night for two weeks straight, your mental and physical performance declines to the same level as if you had stayed awake for 48 hours straight. [4]

Second, participants didn’t notice their own performance declines. When participants graded themselves, they believed that their performance declined for a few days and then tapered off. In reality, they were continuing to get worse with each day. In other words, we are poor judges of our own performance decreases even as we are going through them. In the real world, well-lit office spaces, social conversations, caffeine, and a variety of other factors can make you feel fully awake even though your actual performance is sub-optimal. You might think that your performance is staying the same even on low amounts of sleep, but it’s not. And even if you are happy with your sleep-deprived performance levels, you’re not performing optimally.

The Cost of Sleep Deprivation

The irony of it all is that many of us are suffering from sleep deprivation so that we can work more, but the drop in performance ruins any potential benefits of working additional hours.

In the United States alone, studies have estimated that sleep deprivation is costing businesses over $100 BILLION each year in lost efficiency and performance. [5] As Gregory Belenky, Director of the Sleep and Performance Research Center at Washington State University, puts it: “Unless you’re doing work that doesn’t require much thought, you are trading time awake at the expense of performance.”

And this brings us to the important question: At what point does sleep debt start accumulating? When do performance declines start adding up? According to a wide range of studies, the tipping point is usually around the 7 or 7.5 hour mark. Generally speaking, experts agree that 95 percent of adults need to sleep 7 to 9 hours each night to function optimally. [6]

Here’s another way to say it: 95 percent of adults who get less than 7 hours of sleep on a routine basis will experience decreased mental and physical performance. According to Harvard Medical School, “The average length of time Americans spend sleeping has dropped from about nine hours a night in 1910 to about seven hours today.” And according to Dr. Lawrence Epstein at Harvard Medical School, 20 percent of Americans (1 in 5) get less than six hours of sleep per night.

Most adults should be aiming for eight hours per night. Children, teenagers, and older adults typically need even more.

How Sleep Works: The Sleep-Wake Cycle

The quality of your sleep is determined by a process called the sleep-wake cycle.

There are two important parts of the sleep-wake cycle:

1. Slow wave sleep (also known as deep sleep)
2. REM sleep (REM stands for Rapid Eye Movement)

During slow wave sleep the body relaxes, breathing becomes more regular, blood pressure falls, and the brain becomes less responsive to external stimuli, which makes it more difficult to wake up. This phase is critical for renewal and repair of the body. During slow wave sleep, the pituitary gland releases growth hormone, which stimulates tissue growth and muscle repair. Researchers also believe that the body’s immune system is repaired during this stage. Slow wave sleep is particularly critical if you’re an athlete. You’ll often hear about professional athletes like Roger Federer or LeBron James sleeping 11 or 12 hours per night. [7]

As one example of the impact of sleep on physical performance, consider a study researchers conducted on the Stanford basketball players. During this study, the players slept for at least ten hours per night (compared to their typical eight hours). During five weeks of extended sleep, the researchers measured the basketball players accuracy and speed compared to their previous levels. Free throw shooting percentage increased by 9 percent. Three point shooting percentage increased by 9.2 percent. And the players were 0.6 seconds faster when sprinting 80 meters. If you place heavy physical demands on your body, slow wave sleep is what helps you recover. [8]

REM sleep is to the mind what slow wave sleep is to the body. The brain is relatively quiet during most sleep phases, but during REM your brain comes to life. REM sleep is when your brain dreams and re-organizes information. During this phase your brain clears out irrelevant information, boosts your memory by connecting the experiences of the last 24 hours to your previous experiences, and facilitates learning and neural growth. Your body temperature rises, your blood pressure increases, and your heart rate speeds up. Despite all of this activity, your body hardly moves. Typically, the REM phase occurs in short bursts about 3 to 5 times per night.

Without the slow wave sleep and REM sleep phases, the body literally starts to die. If you starve yourself of sleep, you can’t recover physically, your immune system weakens, and your brain becomes foggy. Or, as the researchers put it, sleep deprived individuals experience increased risk of viral infections, weight gain, diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, mental illness, and mortality.

To summarize: slow wave sleep helps you recover physically while REM sleep helps you recover mentally. The amount of time you spend in these phases tends to decrease with age, which means the quality of your sleep and your body’s ability to recover also decrease with age.

Age-Related Sleep Changes

According to Harvard Medical School researchers, “As people age, it takes longer to fall asleep, a phenomenon called increased sleep latency. And sleep efficiency–the percentage of time spent asleep while in bed–decreases as well.”

Based on my calculations of the above data, the average 80-year-old gets a whopping 62 percent less slow wave sleep than the average 20-year-old (20 percent of the average sleep cycle versus 7.5 percent). There are many factors that impact the aging of body tissues and cells, but it stands to reason that if your body gets less slow wave sleep to restore itself each night, then the aging process will accelerate as a result.

In other words, it seems reasonable to say that getting good sleep is one of your best defenses against aging quickly.

How to Recover When You Don’t Get Enough Sleep

At any age, most adults need seven and a half to eight hours of sleep to function at their best. Since older people often have trouble attaining this much sleep at night, they frequently supplement nighttime sleep with daytime naps. This can be a successful strategy for accumulating sufficient total sleep over a 24-hour period. However, if you find that you need a nap, it’s best to take one midday nap, rather than several brief ones scattered throughout the day and evening.”

— Harvard Medical School [9]

As it turns out, the body is incredibly adept at making up for a short-term lack of sleep. In fact, even if you got a brutal 2 or 4 hours of sleep last night, your body can usually recover fully if you get a solid 9 or 10 hours of sleep tonight. Your body will simply spend more time in REM and slow wave sleep cycles the second night to make up for the first. In other words, the two main sleep cycles are largely influenced by the amount and type of sleep you had during the previous night.

There is no need to worry about optimizing how much REM or slow wave sleep you get. Your body is smarter than you are and because it makes adjustments based on previous sleep cycles, you can’t really force yourself to get more REM sleep, for example, during a particular sleep session. All you can do is make sure you get enough sleep and then let your body do the rest. This is particularly important as you age because the percentage of time spent in REM and slow wave sleep decreases as you get older. As an example, a 60-year-old may need to sleep for 10 hours to get the same about of REM sleep that a 20-year-old can get in 7 hours. To put it simply: there is no substitute for sleeping.

There is a limit on this recovery process, of course. Your body will do the best it can, but it will never be able to turn a deficit into a surplus. If you want to recover from a night of little sleep, you need to follow it with more sleep than usual.

The Circadian Rhythm

What is your sleep-wake cycle dictated by?

Answer: the circadian rhythm. The circadian rhythm is a biological cycle of different processes that happen over a time span of about 24 hours.

Here are some key points in the typical 24-hour cycle:

• 6 A.M. Cortisol levels increase to wake your brain and body
• 7 A.M. Melatonin production stops
• 9 A.M. Sex hormone production peaks
• 10 A.M. Mental alertness levels peak
• 2:30 P.M. Best motor coordination
• 3:30 P.M. Fastest reaction time
• 5 P.M. Greatest cardiovascular efficiency and muscle strength
• 7 P.M. Highest blood pressure and body temperature
• 9 P.M. Melatonin production begins to prepare the body for sleep
• 10 P.M. Bowel movements suppressed as the body quiets down
• 2 A.M. Deepest sleep
• 4 A.M. Lowest body temperature

Obviously, these times are not exact and merely display the general pattern of the circadian rhythm. The exact times of your circadian rhythm will vary based on daylight, your habits, and other factors.

The circadian rhythm is impacted by three main factors: light, time, and melatonin.

Light. Light probably the most significant pace setter of the circadian rhythm. Staring into a bright light for 30 minutes or so can often reset your circadian rhythm regardless of what time of day it is. More commonly, the rising of the sun and light striking your eyes triggers the transition to a new cycle.

Time. The time of day, your daily schedule, and the order in which you perform tasks can all impact your sleep-wake cycle.

Melatonin. This is the hormone that causes drowsiness and controls body temperature. Melatonin is produced in a predictable daily rhythm, increasing after dark and decreasing before dawn. Researchers believe that the melatonin production cycle help keep the sleep-wake cycle on track.

How to Sleep Better

Now that we understand how sleep works, let’s talk about some practical strategies for getting better sleep.

Avoid caffeine. If you’re having trouble falling asleep, eliminating caffeine from your diet is a quick win. If you can’t go without your morning cup of coffee, then a good rule of thumb to keep in mind is “No coffee after noon.” This gives caffeine enough time to wear off before bed time.

Stop smoking or chewing tobacco. Tobacco use has been linked to a long line of health issues and poor sleep is another one on the list. I don’t have any personal experience with tobacco use, but I have heard from friends who have quit successfully that Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Stop Smoking book is the best resource on the topic.

Use the bedroom for sleep and sex only. Is your bedroom designed to promote good sleep? The ideal sleeping environment is dark, cool, and quiet. Don’t make your bedroom a multi-purpose room. Eliminate TVs, laptops, electronics, and clutter. These are simple ways to improve the choice architecture of your bedroom, so that sleep is easier and distraction is harder. When you go to the bedroom, go there to sleep.

Natural Sleep Aids

Exercise. There are too many benefits to exercise to list them all here. When it comes to sleep, exercise will make it easier for your brain and body to power down at night. Furthermore, obesity can wreck havoc on your sleep patterns. The role of exercise only becomes more important with age. Fit middle-aged adults sleep significantly better than their overweight peers. One caveat: avoid exercising two to three hours before bedtime as the mental and physical stimulation can leave your nervous system feeling wired and make it difficult to calm down at night.

Temperature. Most people sleep best in a cool room. The ideal range is usually between 65 to 70 degrees Fahrenheit (18 to 21 degrees Celsius).

Sound. A quiet space is key for good sleep. If peace and quiet is hard to come by, try controlling the bedroom noise by creating “white noise” with a fan. Or, use ear plugs (here’s a good pair).

Alcohol. This one is a slippery slope. It is true that having a drink before bed — a “night cap” — often does help people fall asleep. However, while it makes it easier to fall asleep, it actually reduces the quality of your sleep and delays the REM cycle. So you fall asleep faster, but it’s possible that you’ll wake up without feeling rested. It’s probably best to improve your sleep through other methods before resorting to alcohol to do the job.

How to Go to Sleep

Stick to a regular schedule. The body loves ritual. The entire circadian rhythm we laid out earlier is one big, daily routine. Go to bed and wake up around the same time each day.

Develop a “power down” ritual before bed. The light from computer screens, televisions, and phones can hinder the production of melatonin, which means your body isn’t preparing the hormones it needs to enter the sleep phase. Specifically, it is the blue wavelength of light that seems to decrease melatonin production. Developing a “power down” routine where you shut off all electronics an hour or two before sleep can be a big help. Additionally, working late at night can keep your mind racing and your stress levels high, which also prevents the body from calming down for sleep. Turn off the screens and read a book instead. It’s the perfect way to learn something useful and power down before bed. (Another option is to download an app called f.lux, which reduces the brightness of your screen closer to bedtime.)

Use relaxation techniques. Researchers believe that at least 50 percent of insomnia cases are emotion or stress related. Find outlets to reduce your stress and you’ll often find that better sleep comes as a result. Proven methods include daily journaling, deep breathing exercises, meditation, exercise, and keeping a gratitude journal (write down something you are thankful for each day).

Use strategic naps. Generally speaking, one nap in the early afternoon is the best way to adding napping to your sleep cycle. This is particularly useful if you aren’t getting enough sleep each night as your body may be able to make up the deficit during your nap.

How to Have More Energy in the Morning

The best way to have more energy is to get enough sleep, but you can also…

Drink a large glass of water in the morning. Your body just went 6 to 8 hours without any liquid. If you are feeling lethargic and groggy in the morning, you may often be slightly dehydrated. The first thing I do when I wake up is drink a large, cold glass of water.

Start the day in the sunlight. Sunshine is the new coffee. Getting sunlight in your morning routine is critical for establishing your circadian rhythm and waking your brain and body for the day. This is why, in the words of my friend Ben Greenfield, “You may find you need none or very little coffee in the summer or in times of high sun exposure, but you’re a complete monster if you don’t get your morning cup of coffee in the grey winter months.” [10]

Final Thoughts on Sleep

Cumulative sleep debt is robbing companies of billions of dollars in revenue. It’s robbing individuals of shaper mental performance. It’s preventing athletes from performing at their best. And it’s a barrier between you and optimal performance.

The answer is simple, but remarkably underrated in our productivity-obsessed culture: get more sleep.

The ideas in this article offer a variety approaches on how to get better sleep. If you’re looking for more practical strategies on how to create better sleep habits (or better habits in general), then read my free 46-page guide called Transform Your Habits or browse my other articles on behavior change and habit formation here.

You owe it to yourself to develop better sleep habits. Your body and mind will thank you for it.

Sources

1. Caveman: An Interview with Michel Siffre
2. Siffre, Michel. “Six Months Alone in a Cave,” National Geographic (March 1975), 426-435.
3. The cumulative cost of additional wakefulness
4. How Little Sleep Can You Get Away With?
5. Functional and Economic Impact of Sleep Loss and Sleep-Related Disorders
6. The remaining 5 percent are due to genetic variations that allow them to perform optimally on less sleep. Obviously, it is unlikely that you or I have been dealt such a favorable genetic hand.
7. Don’t you find it interesting that many of the best athletes in the world sleep at least 10 hours per night? Wouldn’t you assume that if anyone had access to the latest biohacking technology and advanced sleeping tactics, it would be the world’s greatest athletes? If there was any group of people who could afford the research and money to purchase the best ways to hack their sleep and get more done in less time, it would be this group. They could use this time for increased training, additional practice, and so on. And yet, sleeping more is what provides them greater value. I mention this because it can be easy for us to look for a quick fix, a “biohack” that allows us to somehow master the puzzle of sleep and get more done. But when you look at the world’s greatest performers you see that the answer is very simple: sleep more.
8. The Effects of Sleep Extension on the Athletic Performance of Collegiate Basketball Players
9. Improving Sleep: A guide to a good night’s rest, a Harvard Medical School publication
10. The Last Resource You’ll Ever Need To Get Better Sleep, Eliminate Insomnia, Beat Jet Lag and Master The Nap by Ben Greenfield

Thanks to Sam Sager for his tireless help researching this article and to Scott Britton for his slideshow on sleep strategies.